Talking About Those Santas For Hire

By James Brooks


Santa Claus is coming to town. Or at least he would be if they hired a new one to be stationed at the mall already. So far? Empty. Children are fussing over it whenever they pass the section where their favorite Father Christmas would sit on. It is nearing the months of the holidays so where is he? Are they still on the process of hiring one? Seriously, why not just hire the same guy from last year? He has always been the Dallas Santa for Hire.

Jolly old men that could cosplay as Gandalf, Dumbledore or any wizard from Dungeons and Dragons. Those are really awesome. Unless we are talking about the hobos and homeless spread across the streets. They do not count. But maybe they will appreciate you hiring them for something?

Intelligent children probably know that Father Christmas does not exist. The Jewish children definitely know he is not real since they follow a different religion and celebrate a different holiday. What do they even think whenever they see Catholic kids talk excitedly about an old man who creeps into houses and leave presents?

Remember Kind Theoden in Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers? That old guy that went Benjamin Button on us and aged backward? He could be a good Mr. Claus. A king so regal and just, happens to be a soldier too, to act as your Mall Santa? And instead of giving you toys for presents, he gives you horses and swords. That is awesome.

If not, there are probably old men who have already taken the whole Santa thing as a seasonal profession. Get them if you want. At least they already had experience, right? And they probably sound a lot closer to the real deal. Assuming that they are not as creepy as the hobos, your children will be fine.

It is not like The Simpson, though. That one is known as a national thing for America. Both have last more than two decades everybody in the world has probably heard of their names or seen a bit of their art style somewhere. Whether it was on TV or the internet. Same goes for Family Guy and Futurama.

Why are we talking about cartoons? We were speaking about the missing Santa in the mall. How hard can it be to find an older man with a white beard? Unless they do not even want to volunteer in the first place. That is just a sad waste of material to work on. They could cosplay as some badass bearded dude.

Or maybe get your own family members that fit the role to play it. It might be a lot less hassle than getting a stranger. You can pay him fairly and a family reunion like this may be more fun than anticipated. Dress up as well to make it more hilarious and amusing.

The last one was just the right sort of plump. We hope this guy does not disappoint. Anyone with a beard can wear the get up but that takes talent and soul to bear the name Santa Claus and have kids to believe in it.




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