Identifying And Dealing With Codependency

By Edna Booker


People who are codependent are often unaware of how dysfunctional their relationships are. Codependency can be difficult to treat as people have deeply ingrained behavioral traits. They need to find their identity and self-worth from others as they lack this in themselves. In pleasing others and constantly looking for acceptance, they often sacrifice their own mental, emotional and physical health. This can cause a great deal of damage in families.

Boundaries are an important aspect of relationships. Codependents often have trouble with boundaries. They may be blurred in the sense that they try to fix the other person, even if their advice is ignored. They become too responsible for the problems and feelings of another person. Others may have rigid boundaries so that others cannot get close. Sometimes they will fall around between these two extremes.

People-pleasing and care-taking are often used to control and manipulate others as they need them to act in a certain way to make them feel secure. Communication is no longer honest as a result. There is an unhealthy clinging as they depend on their loved ones for fulfillment instead of finding it in themselves. They often give support to their partners at the cost of their own physical, emotional and mental health.

People like this have extremely low self-esteem. Under the surface they will often feel a sense of anger and resentment. This usually becomes worse with time and results in depression and feelings of helplessness and despair. They feel trapped and yet do not know how to change this.

The codependent behavior is often supported by the partners. They cater to the fears and anxieties of the person, deluding themselves that they are helping. However, this simply serves to reinforce the negative behavior patterns. A relationship like this can be repaired but it often takes hard work. Boundaries have to be firmly established and the self respect and self worth of both parties have to be encouraged.

There is often denial on the part of a codependent person in such a situation. They always feel that the other person or the situation is the real problem. Although some codependents appear needy, others act self-sufficient when it comes to needing help. They will not reach out and ask for help. Behavior habits are deeply ingrained and often difficult to identify and change.

Identifying the codependent nature of the relationship is often the first step. There are many websites today that list the symptoms, making it easier for people to identify that they have this problem. Even when the problem has been identified, it can take long, hard work to address it. There are many professionals who have experience in helping and it may require guidance and support in establishing new patterns of behavior.

The sooner someone reaches out for help, the less likely it is for the problem to reach critical proportions. Awareness, acceptance and then taking action is necessary sooner rather than later. Recovery is possible and there are various methods and techniques professionals use to address the issue and establish a healthy relationship.




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